Grief doesn’t look the same on a child as it does on an adult — and that can catch even the most loving parents off guard. Your child may cry one moment and ask to play the next. They might not mention the loss for days, then suddenly bring it up out of nowhere at bedtime. They might become angry, clingy, withdrawn, or unusually silly. And through it all, you may find yourself wondering: Am I doing this right? Am I giving them what they need?
If you’re asking those questions, that already matters. It means you’re paying attention. And the truth is, you don’t have to have all the answers to help your child heal — you simply have to be willing to show up.
Grief isn’t only about death. Children can experience profound loss through divorce, moving to a new city, losing a friendship, a pet passing away, or even significant life changes that disrupt their sense of safety and routine. Whatever the cause, the pain is real — and children need a safe space to feel it.
The good news is that with the right support, children are remarkably resilient. With awareness, patience, and professional guidance when needed, children can process even the heaviest emotions and come out the other side with greater emotional strength. You don’t have to navigate this alone — and neither does your child.
Understanding How Children Experience Grief
Children feel grief deeply, but they often don’t have the words — or the emotional development — to express it the way adults do. What looks like misbehavior is often grief in disguise. Outbursts, regression to younger behaviors, trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, and difficulty concentrating at school can all be a child’s body and mind trying to process something too big for their vocabulary.
Unlike adults, children grieve in waves. They may seem completely fine one moment, then deeply upset the next. This is not a sign that they aren’t truly grieving — it’s simply how children move through big emotions. Their capacity for sustained grief is shorter, but the feelings run just as deep.
It’s also important to understand that children at different developmental stages experience grief differently. Toddlers may not fully understand what has happened but will sense the emotional shift around them. School-age children may ask very concrete, literal questions. Teenagers may pull away and grieve privately or express it through anger and frustration. All of these responses are normal and deserve compassion, not correction.
Recognizing the Signs That Your Child Is Struggling
Children often can’t — or won’t — tell us directly when they are overwhelmed by grief or big feelings. They may not even recognize what they’re experiencing. This makes it essential for parents and caregivers to know what to look for.
Emotional and behavioral signs to watch for: Persistent sadness, tearfulness, or flatness of mood. Increased irritability, anger, or emotional outbursts that seem out of proportion. Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities they once enjoyed. Regression to younger behaviors such as bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or clinginess. Trouble sleeping, nightmares, or reluctance to sleep alone. Changes in appetite — eating significantly more or less than usual. Declining grades or loss of interest in school. Frequent complaints of stomachaches or headaches without a medical cause. Difficulty concentrating or seeming distracted or “far away.” Talking about wanting to be with someone who has died, or expressing that life feels hopeless.
Trust your instincts as a parent. If something feels off — even if you can’t name exactly what — explore it gently. Create low-pressure opportunities for conversation and pay close attention to what your child shares, and what they avoid. Often the most important messages are the ones they struggle to say out loud.
How to Support Your Child Through Grief and Big Feelings
Create Space to Feel Without Trying to Fix
One of the most natural instincts as a parent is to want to make the pain go away. But when it comes to grief, rushing through feelings can actually delay healing. The most powerful thing you can offer your child is permission to feel exactly what they feel — without judgment, without minimizing, and without pressure to “get over it.”
Instead of saying “Don’t cry, you’ll be okay,” try sitting with your child in the discomfort. Your presence alone communicates something profound: your feelings are not too much, and you are not alone in this.
Supportive things to say: “I can see you’re really sad right now. I’m right here with you.” “We don’t have to talk. I just want you to know I’m not going anywhere.” “Your feelings make complete sense. You’re allowed to feel them.” “I don’t have all the answers, but we are going to figure this out together.” “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel this.”
Let your child lead the pace of conversation. Some children want to talk extensively; others prefer to share in small moments over time. Follow their cues and resist the urge to push them toward resolution before they are ready.
Use Simple, Honest Language
Children are perceptive. When adults use vague or avoidant language around loss — especially death — children often fill in the gaps with something far scarier than the truth. Using honest, age-appropriate language helps children make sense of their experience and builds the trust they need to keep coming to you with their feelings.
You don’t have to have perfect words. Saying “I don’t know why this happened, and I feel sad too” is a beautiful and honest thing for a child to hear. It tells them that big feelings are normal, that even grown-ups have them, and that grief is something you can move through together.
Avoid expressions like “went to sleep,” “we lost them,” or “passed on” when discussing death with younger children — these can create confusion or fear around ordinary things like bedtime or going somewhere. Simple, direct language delivered with warmth is always the better choice.
Answer their questions honestly at a level appropriate for their age, and invite them to keep asking. Children who feel free to ask questions are far less likely to fill the silence with fear and confusion.
Give Grief a Creative Outlet
Not every child will open up in conversation — and that is completely normal. Art, play, storytelling, music, and movement are powerful tools for emotional expression, especially for younger children whose language skills are still developing. These are not distractions from grief; they are meaningful pathways through it.
Encourage your child to draw how they are feeling, write a letter to someone they miss, create a memory box filled with meaningful objects, or act out their emotions through play. You don’t need to interpret or correct what they create. Simply witnessing it — and letting them know their expression is welcome — is more than enough.
Creative outlets to explore together: Drawing or painting their feelings onto paper. Writing a letter or poem to someone they’ve lost. Making a memory box or scrapbook filled with meaningful photos or mementos. Storytelling through puppets, stuffed animals, or action figures. Dancing, moving, or shaking out big emotions through the body. Planting something together as a living tribute to someone or something lost.
Maintain Routines and Anchor Points
When a child’s world feels shaken, predictability becomes an act of love. Consistent mealtimes, bedtime rituals, school schedules, and familiar routines signal to a child’s nervous system that even though something hard has happened, life is still safe and orderly. They don’t need everything to be perfect — they need things to feel steady.
Where possible, keep beloved family rituals intact. If Friday movie night was something they looked forward to, keep it going. If Sunday morning pancakes were a tradition, continue them. These small anchors say: we are still here, we are still us, and it is okay to still enjoy life.
Routines also give children a sense of control during a time when so much feels out of their hands. Even small predictable moments — the same song at bedtime, the same after-school snack — can provide enormous comfort when the bigger world feels uncertain.
Read Together and Normalize Big Feelings
Children’s books about grief, loss, and big emotions are a quiet and powerful gift. Reading together creates a natural, low-pressure opening for conversation — your child can connect with what a character is feeling without the vulnerability of talking directly about themselves. Many children find it much easier to say “the bunny in the book feels the same way I do” than to name their own emotions out loud.
There are beautifully written books for every age and every type of loss — the death of a grandparent, the end of a friendship, a family divorce, the loss of a pet. Ask your child’s school counselor or local librarian for age-appropriate recommendations, and let your child choose the ones they want to return to again and again.
Model Healthy Grief for Your Child
Your child is watching how you handle hard emotions — and that is not a burden. It is an opportunity. When you allow yourself to grieve openly — naming your feelings, asking for help, crying when you need to — you show your child that emotions are not something to fear or hide. You demonstrate that it is possible to feel something deeply painful and still keep going.
You don’t have to hold it together perfectly. In fact, letting your child see that you also feel sad, that you also miss someone or something, and that you also find your way through — is one of the most reassuring things you can offer them. It tells them: this is survivable, and we will survive it together.
Parenting a grieving child is emotionally exhausting work. Be gentle with yourself through this process. Your own grief matters, and caring for your own emotional wellbeing is not selfish — it is one of the most important things you can do for your child.
Recognize When Professional Support Is Needed
While many children move through grief with the support of loving family and consistent routines, some need professional help to process what they are carrying. There is no shame in this — in fact, seeking therapy for your child is one of the most proactive and caring choices a parent can make. Early support can prevent temporary struggles from becoming long-term mental health challenges.
A skilled therapist provides a safe, confidential, and judgment-free space where children can process their feelings at their own pace, using approaches specifically designed for how children think, feel, and heal. Therapy gives children tools — for expressing emotions, managing anxiety, and building resilience — that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Signs professional support may be needed: Persistent sadness, anxiety, or emotional changes that do not improve over time. Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities they once loved. Significant changes in sleep, appetite, or daily functioning. Declining grades or reluctance to attend school. Self-destructive behavior, talk of not wanting to be here, or expressions of hopelessness. Physical complaints like chronic headaches or stomachaches with no medical cause. Difficulty trusting others or forming friendships. Intense anger or emotional outbursts that are difficult to manage at home.
Don’t wait for a crisis to reach out. Even if you are simply unsure whether therapy is necessary, a consultation with a licensed mental health professional can offer clarity, guidance, and peace of mind. Family therapy can also be incredibly valuable — helping the whole household grieve together, communicate more openly, and support one another through the process.
A Note for Parents Who Are Also Grieving
It is worth saying clearly: if your child is grieving, there is a good chance you are too. You may be managing your own loss while trying to hold space for your child’s pain — and that is an enormous ask of any human being. Please do not forget that you deserve support as much as your child does.
Seeking therapy for yourself during this season is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign of wisdom. When you have a place to process your own grief, you become better able to be the steady, grounded presence your child needs. You cannot pour from an empty cup — and you should not have to try.
At Marriage and Family Wellness Center, we support both children and the parents walking alongside them. We understand that grief moves through an entire family — and healing can too.
Creating a Home Where Big Feelings Are Always Welcome
The most lasting gift you can give your child is not the ability to avoid difficult feelings — it is the knowledge that difficult feelings are safe to have. A home where emotions are named, respected, and moved through with grace is one of the greatest protective factors for a child’s long-term mental health.
Model emotional honesty in everyday moments. Name your own feelings out loud. Say “I’m feeling frustrated right now and I’m going to take a few deep breaths” or “I felt really sad today and had a good cry, and now I feel a little better.” These small, ordinary moments teach children that emotions are information — not emergencies — and that they always have a home to land in when the world outside feels hard.
Children who grow up in homes where feelings are welcomed — not shamed, silenced, or minimized — develop stronger emotional regulation, deeper resilience, and healthier relationships throughout their entire lives. The work you do now matters far beyond this moment.
Professional Support for Childhood Grief and Big Feelings
At Marriage and Family Wellness Center in McAllen, we walk alongside children and families through some of life’s most difficult seasons. Our Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW) specialize in helping young people process grief, manage overwhelming emotions, and build the resilience they need to move forward — without rushing or minimizing what they have been through.
We provide individual therapy for children and teens experiencing loss of any kind, using evidence-based, compassionate approaches to address anxiety, grief, trauma, and emotional overwhelm. We also work with families to strengthen communication, support healing, and create home environments that promote recovery and lasting resilience.
Our bilingual, culturally sensitive services are designed to meet families where they are. We recognize that grief can affect any child in any family, and we are committed to providing the expert, compassionate support your family needs to heal, grow, and move forward together.
Proudly serving McAllen, Mission, Edinburg, Pharr, Weslaco, and surrounding Rio Grande Valley communities.
Help Your Child Heal and Find Their Way Through
Marriage and Family Wellness Center offers specialized therapy for children and families navigating grief, loss, and big emotions. Our experienced therapists provide compassionate, evidence-based support to help young people process what they are carrying and rebuild hope, confidence, and joy. You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Why Choose Our McAllen Therapy Services for Childhood Grief?
✓ Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSW) Specializing in Child and Adolescent Mental Health
✓ Evidence-Based Grief and Trauma Treatment
✓ Compassionate, Judgment-Free Support
✓ Family Therapy to Support Healing Together
✓ Bilingual Services (English/Spanish)
✓ Serving the Rio Grande Valley
Phone: (956) 586-6275 | Website: Marriage and Family Wellness Center
Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) providing specialized therapy for childhood grief, anxiety, trauma, and family support in McAllen, Mission, Edinburg, Pharr, and throughout the Rio Grande Valley, Texas. Helping children and families heal, rebuild confidence, and develop resilience.
